A few weeks ago I spoke with the 16 year old Teenage son of a friend of mine. I was building the NGM Radio Hour and was motivated to understand, which topics would interest him: Legalization of drugs, violence caused mostly by men and misunderstanding between girls & boys.
At the same time my partner and I were creating the website of NGM trying to find modern masculine symbols or more conscious pictures of men…
…beyond the usual stereotypes.
It was hard to find something in-between; either men were shown as overly muscular, violent, super macho, a hero and on the other side they came over as “too feminine” with an esoteric touch.
Both sides went to extremes with more destructive rather than healthy messages, which were more often than not conflicting.
Messages that favoured dominance over empathy, physical strength over compassion, violence over kindness, sex over love.
Looking at the results of my quick research, I could almost feel rage crawling up my neck – at the same time a silent, but deep anger beyond the surface against men in general.
Only recently I was shocked reading a blog by a women, published on the Huffington Post, who stated that most women in reality want more dirty sex, less tenderness and more violence in bed.
Sending this blog to female friends and colleagues, a wave of indignation exploded.
Via voice memos, Facebook and email we started to talk openly about sex, pressure and the many arguments we had had with our partners around sex. Not that we did not like it, absolutely not, it was the pressure we felt that has caused frustration and pain.
I saw how these discussions had affected my relationship with my partner, manipulating him subtly to understand “how bad men were”. Although a woman wrote the article, men did not get a lot of credit.
Until one evening my partner when sharing all our discussions of the last days, he blurted out that he is done being treated like a sex monster. I could feel his pain. He was right. There was a subtle, not intended, but yet strong notion of saying between the lines, sex is bad, love is good.
Porn watched mostly by men is bad, romance movies watched mostly by women are good…what we were saying, we women are good, you guys are bad…
…no doubt there has been done a lot of damage to femininity in history, which needs awareness and healing on both sides.
From a Female Perspective is not a radio show about giving answers, we do not have yet.
It is about being learners on an adventure that leads to more understanding, moving forward, and letting go of old Gender roles that are no longer needed.
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